Discovered Magic

As my sophomore year approaches its end, I have been attempting to formulate plans for the summer and the next school year, all while designing my solution to the “wow-you’re-gonna-be-a-Junior-what-are-you-going-to-do-with-the-rest-of-your-life” dilemma.  I’ve declared my major in psychology, and I have been working on my proposal to complete a neuroscience concentration. Since this has been my interest for quite some time now, it’s exciting to watch my plans arise, change, re-assemble, and come together.    I’ve considered neuropsychology, medicine, clinical/occupational therapy etc., but I’ve resolved to cross that bridge when I come to it (a rather rapidly approaching bridge – eeeeek).  For now I’ll do some exploring in these fields until I find an acre with my name on it.  Until then, I’ll try my best to enjoy the journey of learning I began almost 2 years ago.  

 I arrived at Davidson as an eager but naïve 17 year old intending to set off on a grand exploration of this rapidly expanding feild.  During my first semester, I scheduled a meeting with the director of the Neuroscience program so I could probe his mind about required courses, opportunities at Davidson, and his work in the field.  As I sat on the other side of his desk, he looked at me with a skeptical smile and a curious sparkle in his eye, and asked a jolting question:

“So…WHY neuroscience?”

At first I wasn’t sure exactly how to respond, and felt as if I was suddenly being interviewed.  Perhaps my entire career depended on this question.  I thought: “Uhhh…well…why not?  How could you not be fascinated with this??”  I had told many people before that I wanted to do something related neuroscience, but most of them had only ever given me a flabbergasted/impressed look and/or proceeded to tell everyone that I wanted to be a brain surgeon (No guys. There are plenty of other things you can do with neuroscience.  Google it -  it’s not brain surgery).   I sat and explained that I had always been interested the physical sciences but also in the deeper complexities of human beings, that this was where science and psychology intersect, I could use my knowledge to work with people,  that I usually go straight to the neuroscience section of bookstores, etc.  But I still I only instinctually knew of the wonder behind my drive to learn more about the mystery inside our heads, and I didn’t feel like I could articulate it well enough to do it justice.  

Later, I thought back to a time several years ago when I sat at my piano, rehearsing new pieces and replaying old ones, thinking about this incredible process that I participated in daily.  How is it that by practicing each afternoon I could cement these melodies within me and call on them at a moments notice?  Every piece of music I have played, every song I can recreate when I sit before the keys, exists inside my body as a neural network – connections made in my brain, an alteration of my very biology.  Every song I can still play is somehow a part of me, physiologically, as I walk around each day.  We carry within us the physical, concrete impact of all the people who have ever touched our lives.  We take in, process and absorb our surroundings, and while they can change us, we also have within us the power to change them.  Cells do this, neurons, these microscopic units of magic, taking the inanimate matter of our universe and functioning to give it not only life, but soul.  In this very fabric of our nature, through the pathways of our brain, arise love, joy, curiosity, passion, and wonder.  Through this, we embody the qualities and character we were created to express.

A dear friend recently sent me a TED talk video in which a poet said, “magic is simply undiscovered science, and science discovered magic.”  And though I’ve struggled with concepts, been frustrated with confusion, wanted to throw my textbooks around the room when I’m studying late into the night, I can still see the magic that is our human nature.  As Emily Dickinson said, “the brain is wider than the sky,” and I pray that somehow, with this fascination, God will help me find a purpose that is wider than anything I could plan for myself. 

A part of me

lies around, before, behind, within

waves of light come through my eyes

waves of sound into my ears

traveling, moving, altering

electric waves of wonder

that ignite and hold ideas, desires, and loves.

The light from your eyes

the sounds from your lips

are winds that moves these waves

and send the ship on a different course

leaving maps I will store and re-examine

sending me back out to sea

feeling this wind, intrinsically

a part of me.